Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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