I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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