but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
