There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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