she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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