Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
