tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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