well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
