there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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