Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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