I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
