she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
