You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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