Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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