And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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