The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
