At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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