She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
