i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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