Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
