the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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