I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
