So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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