Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
