I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she pinky promised me she was 18
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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