Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
