singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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