i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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