Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
