The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
