I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
