so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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