I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
