you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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