I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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