i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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