I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
too bad you live with your parents still
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
