my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
