I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
