What did we do last night that was yellow?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
