new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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