yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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