Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
