Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize