My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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