if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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