come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
