Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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