if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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