she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
