why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
