I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
