Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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