R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
