Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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