I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
