My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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