Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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