Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize