apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
