This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
