funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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